I WILL

This past week I have struggled with the motivation to exercise. My eating habits are great but with the change in my work schedule I just can't seem to get motivated to go to the gym. I tried to get up in the morning and just couldn't seem to make myself get dressed and go. By the time I get off work at 6pm and fight for an hour to drive only 18 miles home, the last thing I want to do is fight the people at the gym for equipment.

I know, I know..these are only excuses. How easy it is to make excuses. They come to mind and take us over in a blink of an eye. Excuses are what got us in trouble to begin with. One more bite because something tastes so good and I will diet again tomorrow. Thousands of bites later, I was overweight and miserable.

I am done with excuses. Excuses are not who I am. Who I am is a strong woman who knows what she wants and will figure out a way to make it work. I will find the time for me. In the end that is what it is all about anyway. Finding the time.

Support

I was reading several others blogs last night and felt so inspired by them. It is so exciting to hear of others' journeys. One thing I have seen from all is that one of the most important things we all need is a support system. My support system for example includes friends and family who know how important this journey is and stand by me through the roller coaster of ups and downs. Without them, my journey would continue but I believe it would not be near as good as it currently is. I know that I can call my mom or sister when I am frustrated or excited and they are there for me.

While writing this I have one friend in particular who is in need of my support. She lives across the country but has always been a call or text message away for me. I am really worried about her because I received a text message from her last night that she has gained 15 pounds and feels out of control. WAIT! Why didn't she tell me she was gaining before it was up to 15 pounds? Have I not been a good friend and support? Have I been so self-engrossed that I didn't pay attention to someone in need of my support?

I sent her a message to call me ASAP because I want to be there for her through her tough time just like she has been there through all of mine. I believe an important part of our journey is to always be there for others. By being supportive of others, we in turn make ourselves stronger individuals. My grandmother describes a support system like a building. You have to have a good foundation to keep you from crumbling when outside influences try to take you down.

Reality strikes

I know everyone has that "Wow" moment and I had mine yesterday. My favorite person in the whole entire world is my 19 month old niece. She is the light of my life. I would rather spend a day with her than any adult. Well yesterday after church with the family, we went out to eat. At one time in my life that alone would have sent me into an anxiety attack trying to figure out what to eat but not anymore. Anyway, she was cranky and not at all interested in eating. She only wanted her Nana, that is what she calls me since she can't say Tanya. As I held all 23 pounds of her and she fell asleep she became dead weight. It was at that moment that my shoulder and arm started hurting that it dawned on me that I used to carry 3 of her around on a daily basis. WOW! How in the world did I breathe? How did I walk or move? I think these little "Wow" moments are what keep me moving forward in this journey. Without them I wonder if the same motivation would exist?

I get such excitement from the little things in life and she is one of them. I love the fact that I can now run and play with her and will continue to do so as I continue my weight loss journey. I guess my advice to everyone is this...Never think the little "Wow" moments are not important, they are. I believe they help mold us into who we are and who we want to become.

Interesting

So in my strange brain I thought that once the weight started falling off finding clothing would be so much easier. I learned today that apparently I am at an in between size that does not exist. So my dilemma has become do I continue to look like the local hobo in clothes too big and hold out for that smaller size or do I get the smaller size and risk them being a little tight? I had to laugh today when looking at the local resale shop for some gently used clothes since I hope not to be in these sizes for a long time. I really can't figure out what size to get. I feel like I am right back to the horror of never finding anything big enough,but now the issue is there is no size for me. I am a weirdo size that doesn't exist. Very frustrating!

Very rambling today but it was a crazy day of shopping that I had to share. I look forward to the day, and it will come because I say so, that I can buy anything off the rack because I am what the world sees as a "normal" size.

Manic Monday

This morning I woke up to miserable Monday rain. Just the way I wanted to start my week. Ok, that is all the negative I will have today. I decided yesterday to join Weight Watchers. I have a lapband but believe the philosophies of WW will be another good tool for me. I am an online member only and I will not reveal I have a lapband. I have read the abuse that WW members tend to heap on bandsters. I figure its none of their business and I am not there for any of them but for myself. I need to track my food intake and exercise. WW gives me that and believe it or not there are some with great motivation and advice there too. Anyway, so yesterday I logged every single bite I took, even the ones that came back because I ate them too fast. I got all my points in and felt great. So, maybe these 2 tools will be successful for me.

I did find one thing interesting on the WW site. There is a habit quiz they have you take when you first sign up. I took the 30+ question quiz and was surprised at the outcome. It showed that my worst habit is putting others before myself and never making time for myself. I mean I never really thought I did that but apparently I do. It gives wonderful advice on correcting this habit that won't hurt others but will help me succeed in realizing I am important too. Something to think about.

I start the Couch to 5k program today! I am very excited!!! I downloaded the podcast to my MP3 player and will be off to the gym right after work. Wish me luck!!

That's all for now....

You have to start somewhere

I have been well, for lack of a better word, lurking around reading other blogs for a long time now and decided that I too wanted to express my thoughts in a blog. So here I am, at the beginning. On 12/09/09 I like to think my new life began. On this day I received my lapband. This little device is helping me to realize how much life I was missing out on before. Sounds crazy to put so much on a piece of plastic but that little piece of plastic is saving my life. I am excited about my journey. My flight as you can see by the title of my blog.

So it is my goal to blog my journey daily and if I help anyone that is great, if not that is ok because I think it is therapeutic to myself.